Mars Venus TV - Episode 6

Intro:

This show will touch just about everyone. It's the juggling act all families are facing - the dilemma of bosses versus babies.

Now we know Superwoman has been found out - she dropped her bundle a few years back, but have women learnt anything from her downfall?

Is it possible to be a good partner, parent and employee? Do men agonise over balancing family and jobs the way women do? And is parenthood coming a poor second to success at work?

We'll look at all those issues as we analyse the great juggling act.

Our Panellists:

Rebecca Gibney, Alex Perry, Derryn Hinch, Prue MacSween & Kerry Armstrong

See panellist profiles

Our Guests:

Mike Munro:

Journalist and television presenter Mike Munro has written what he calls "a wonderful love story about my mother, and a son who never gave up on her". His book, A Pasty Faced Nothing, published by Random House, tells of life with his alcoholic mother Beryl and how, from the age of six onwards, Mike did all he could to help her stop.

He says that as a young only child, the only thing he could think of to stop his mother drinking was to pour the stuff down the sink or toilet. When she found out, he says she beat him black and blue with an electrical cord.

He says he often slept in his sports locker at school to avoid her bashings. He also turned the clocks forward so that she'd think it was later and keep sleeping until the drink had worn off - again to avoid a beating.

To her credit, Mike says his mother never missed a day's work, and kept him fed, clothed, housed and educated. And when she was sober Mike says she was charming and kind and funny. He says she just could not get over her husband - Mike's father's - gambling and womanising, although she never stopped loving him. She took on the job of raising Mike alone and it was just a hard, lonely life.

From that first bottle he poured down the sink until he held her on her death bed, Mike says he always thought that one day he would get her sober, and that she would revert to the happy, bubbly personality she was before things began to sour with his father.

Later in life he says his mother sought help from Alcoholics Anonymous. And he says that from the time he started working he always paid for her top hospital cover to ensure she could dry out in a decent hospital.

Mike says he got through those years by blaming the alcohol, not his mother, for behaving this way. Being an altar boy at school gave him some relief and a sense of belonging. He says he also prayed a lot. Although, twice he asked his local priest to come and talk to his mother, but he never did.

As a result of his upbringing Mike says he grew up scared of alcohol. With his own son now 21, Mike says he is almost paranoid about how his son will approach drinking, and says he just wants him to be careful.

The founder and CEO of 'Youth Off The Streets', Father Riley is a member of the Salesian Congregation of Priests and Brothers, the world's third largest Catholic Order, whose mission is helping disadvantaged and troubled youth. He has worked with disadvantaged youth for the past 27 years as a teacher, youth worker, probation officer, residential care and principal.

Father Riley says he was inspired by the 1931 movie "Boys' Town", and at the age of 15 was determined to become a priest to take care of those kids who had no one else. He worked for the charity 'Boys' Town' in a variety of roles and finally as Principal. 

He left in 1991, setting up a variety of programs for troubled youth and eventually starting 'Youth Off The Streets', a non-denominational and non-discriminatory agency that supports chronically homeless and drug addicted young Australians as they work to turn their lives around.

Without significant government funding, 'Youth Off The Streets' has become one of the largest youth services in Australia, offering residential, counselling, street-based programs, drug and alcohol rehabilitation, educational, semi-independent casework and family support facilities. The aim is for young people to leave their care drug free, with a high school education, living skills and a full or part time job in hand. 'Youth Off The Streets' has helped an estimated 45,000 streetkids via its 20 projects - including farms and a school in NSW's southern highlands, a refuge, detox centre and food van in Sydney, a house in Queensland for kids, and programs in Victoria.

Father Riley says there is no such thing as a "child born bad", but acknowledges there are bad environments, circumstances and families that impact negatively on our young.  Of the children who come to his program, Father Riley says about 60-80 percent come from families with some sort of addiction problem.

Father Riley says he's still taken aback by how well streetkids can respond to compassion. He says we need to understand that most of the people these kids have ever loved and trusted have turned their backs on them. They need to see that others do care, and they need to know that they are loved. Father Riley says we have to have the courage to expect greatness from these kids. He also says the kids on his programs work in orphanages or with disabled children as a way teaching them to give.

In our audience are two teenagers who have benefited from the Youth Off The Streets program.

Will Turner
Will, 19, says he came from a single parent family, but definitely not a drug household. His mother worked hard which left him to his own devices and also searching for a father figure. By Year 7 he was smoking pot and by Year 8 he was using heroin. He says he simply enjoyed the thrill. Eventually his mother threw him out of home in sheer frustration. Will says in hindsight he totally understands and supports her tough love approach, especially since he was stealing from her to support his habit.

Will ended up in Father Riley's rehab centre and spent two years on the farms. With his HSC nearly finished (at time of recording), Will credits Father Riley's program, and the never-ending support from his mother, in getting him back on track.. He says he is now very optimistic about his future.

Joe Bowman
Joe, also 19, had a mild drug problem but a big problem with alcohol. He says his drinking stemmed from his family since both his mother and stepfather were alcoholics. Joe says he started drinking from the age of 12. He says he hated alcohol but felt he had to drink because that's what he had grown up with. Joe says if he hadn't ended up in Father Riley's program he would be either in jail or dead by now.

For more information on Father Chris Riley's work, go to:www.youthoffthestreets.com.au




Paul Dillon:

As the Media Liaison/Information Manager for the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre (NDARC), Paul's role is to disseminate research findings to policy makers, drug and alcohol workers and the general public. He regularly updates NSW Police, NSW Education & Training and the Australian Medical Association on current drug trends.

Paul says he also spends a lot of his time exploding myths about addictions.

He says the biggest myth about drugs is how quickly you get hooked and that scaring people about drugs will stop them using them. The reality, he says, is that you become immune to being scared.

Paul says people get hooked because of the warm, fuzzy, coping feeling they get when they first try a particular drug. They then remember what the drug did and this sets up a psychological dependence. He says being hooked is all about a reward centre in your brain and rekindling that nice, warm, fuzzy memory. He says it takes time to build up.

Paul says young people simply don't believe anything adults say about drugs any more. He says NDARC has just completed a survey where they asked young people who they did not believe. Topping the list was the government, and second were the police, yet official drug information comes from both those sources. Paul says we need accurate and credible information to give to young people, because what we're currently giving them is not working. What is working, he says, is nicotine information, which has done a good job educating young people.

Paul lists the most addictive drugs in our society as follows:

1
Nicotine

2-9
Prescription drugs like valium, mogodon and the range of tranquilisers mainly obtained through a doctor's prescription and therefore not considered dangerous

10
Alcohol

He says heroin is about number 13, and ecstasy and cannabis are a lot further down the list. Regarding alcohol, Paul says one in ten people in Australia will have a problem with alcohol and, since statistics show 82 percent of Australians have had a drink in the past year, that is a lot of people.

Paul points out we tend to forget that most young people are not into drugs, and like Father Riley, he says we don't celebrate enough the fact that there are all these kids out there doing the right thing.

In our audience are three people who have battled alcoholism.

Currently the Head of Drug and Alcohol Services at the Royal North Shore Hospital in Sydney, Dr Jurd says he spent six years of his young adult life devoted to the next drink. He says it was nothing for him to drink 30 standard drinks at a time, and that he was drunk 10-12 times a month.

Dr Jurd says for him to finally understand he had an illness - that was curable - was a huge step. He says in our society abstinence is very unusual. But even now, he knows he has to stay away from alcohol or it will ruin his life.

Dr Jurd says statistics show more than half the children of alcoholic parents will not become alcoholics themselves.


Michael Bartley:

Michael is the senior supervisor at the William Booth Centre in Sydney, having been through the program himself 14 years ago. Michael says his father was an alcoholic, and that he started drinking at the age of 14.


For help with problem drinking, contact Alcoholics Anonymous Australia:

NSW: 02 9799 1199
ACT: 02 6287 3020
VICTORIA: 03 9429 1833
TASMANIA: 03 6234 8711
QUEENSLAND: 07 3255 9162
SA: 08 8346 4004
WA: 08 9325 3566
NT: 08 8948 5202



Gabriela Byrne

Gambling is often referred to as the invisible addiction. It's difficult to tell if someone is hooked because, unlike alcohol or substance abuse, there are no telltale physical signs. It can go undetected until fortunes are lost, debt is overwhelming and trust is completely broken.

There are over 200,000 poker machines in Australia and about 300,000 Australians have a gambling problem.

Poker machines are the most addictive form of gambling and the average loss by a person with a gambling problem is $15,000. NSW has over half of the poker machines in Australia and one-tenth of the poker machines in the world. Poker machines are programmed to return about $87 out of $100 so in the long term everyone will lose eventually. One person commits suicide every two weeks due to problem gambling.

Gabriela battled with a pokie machine addiction for four years. She says she first used pokies light-heartedly with friends. Then in three to five weeks she was there every day, sometimes up to five times a day. She says she was drawn to the pokies not by the lure of winning, but for the adrenalin rush, and to escape reality. Besides losing two jobs and more than $40,000, it nearly ruined her marriage. But Gabriela says with the support of her family she has been clean for over six years. She now runs a restaurant where most of the staff are ex-problem gamblers, and she has developed a successful counselling program for compulsive gamblers.

For more information on Gabriela's Free Yourself Program go to: www.freeyourself.com.au

For help with problem gambling, call the following numbers:

NSW 1800 633 635
VIC 1800 156 789
QLD 1800 222 050
WA 1800 622 112
TAS 1800 000 973


Jo Cadman

Jo is an adrenalin junkie. She is addicted to fast cars, and says she drives rally cars on weekends because she is a speed freak. She has been driving them for nine years, and says it's simply a fantastic adrenalin buzz. Jo says that from the first day she got into a rally car her life has been determined by driving a rally car, getting to rallies, or working on a rally car. She says it's more than a hobby - she estimates she could have bought two homes outright with the money she's spent on her addiction.

We all know retail therapy works - it's known as a great form of female expression. But when it becomes a problem, the old adage of 'shop til you drop' loses its fun.

Gender marketing specialist, Amanda Stevens, is an expert on marketing aimed at women. Her company, SheMarketing, looks at the science of marketing to women. Amanda recently completed two years work, on the genetic and neurological differences between men and women's reactions to marketing messages, with a Prince of Wales Medical Research team in Sydney. They used MRI scanning technology to test reactions to different advertising projects.

Their conclusion was that women are neurologically more likely to be addicted to shopping. The results also showed the emotive centre is a lot more pronounced in the female brain, meaning women make purchasing decisions on a more emotive level than men. She says this makes women more predisposed to an addiction to shopping - they are more reflective when they shop, they browse, and are far more likely than men to be carried away when the sale signs flash.

Amanda says people use 'retail therapy' as a way of enjoying themselves. They normally buy items they need or have developed a desire for, but it becomes addictive when it gets out of control.

Compulsive or addictive shopping is a form of behaviour designed to avoid unpleasant reality, and is accompanied by a high which causes the sufferer to lose control and buy many items for which they have no need. According to Amanda, the adrenalin rush, the fantasy which surrounds the episode and everything which precedes the actual spending spree, all add to the sense of unreality which brings a false sense of freedom from life's problems.

Amanda says it's hard to know the full extent of this problem in society, but says that many more people are identifying this as a problem and seeking professional help.

Amanda says the consequences of shopping addiction are obvious: high levels of debt, fear of discovery and retribution leading to more denial and desperate acts to cover up the behaviour.

She says many sufferers are multi-addicted, often abusing prescribed drugs or alcohol in addition to the compulsive spending. Amanda says that, as with other addictions, successful treatment depends on an honest admission of the problem and seeking help from others.

For more information on Amanda's wSork, go to: www.shemarketing.com.au



Addiction is a very emotional issue. This episode of Mars Venus has introduced people who have battled their addictions and succeeded. Hopefully their experiences can inspire and motivate others.

Thanks for watching Mars Venus. That's the end of Series 1. Stay tuned for more episodes in early 2004.

Episode One: Is Plastic So Fantastic?
Episode Two: Where Are All the Blokes?
Episode Three: Who Strays and Who Stays?
Episode Four: Does Fat Matter?
Episode Five: Bosses v Babies: The Juggling Act
Episode Six: When Too Much Is Not Enough

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